Hostage: Approval trap

  Why do I blog? As I’ve said before, blogging helps me slow down long enough to build momentum and press deeper the truths God brings me in Life.  Below are notes from Tony Portel’s message last Sunday that touched a subject of bondage for me and many others: Approval.

We all have issues and fears, and two things drive us, security and significance.  The approval trap deals with a wrong view of others and fear of rejection.  Its hard to get approval that we need from others, mainly because they don’t have the capacity to give all we need (this was an extremely helpful reminder…its not even their fault).  People are not that secure.  That’s why we hurt the people closest to us the most. He described the work of Charles Cooley, whose concept of The looking-glass self suggests we base our self worth on “what the most important person in the room thinks about us”.   This has devastating for me in my marriage, on the job, with my children.  It is not the way God intended.

Now satan is tied down but he can still deceive, and this is an area where he gets us to do his work for him; to destroy ourselves.  I thought about my daughters as he explained how a teenage girl need to have security, to know she is loved.  She needs to know she is a woman that God loves.  Am I working with God in this, or against him? 

Tony went on to describe his own story, his parents and his work in a congregation in St. Louis, where he was confronted with the statement “We esteemed your gift more than you.”  He learned that “You love me enough to love me more than what I do.”  He had to face the fact that his approval came from God not others. 

My identity = What others think+my performance OR My identity = What God thinks + Jesus performance

God has gone beyond Justification (Legally forgiven by the death of Jesus on the cross) to reconciliation (relational aspect—Loved by god).  We have God’s constant approval, not conditional.  We seldom receive unconditional love, that’s why it’s so hard to receive from God. Click the thumbnail chart to the left to see our responses to not getting approval (Scheme, Hide, Fight).  I probably fall in scheme column “Beat the system” more often than others;  I can easily drift to persuasion, some others hide.  We looked at a few verses last Tues. in the Band of Brothers men’s group:

• Gal 1:10 Am I now trying to win the approval of men or please God?  
• Psalm 51:10-12 “Restore the Joy of my Salvation”
• Heb 11:6 Without Faith it is impossible to please God
• Rom 5:9-11 We have been justified, reconciled
• Rom 8:38-39 Nothing can separate us from the love of God

Tony finished with several key thoughts:  1) Will you listen to the lies or truth?  2) When you are secure you don’t listen to others opinions then you can hear God better.  3) If you will live your life on the foundation of God’s truth, you will live the LIFE he intended. 

Highlights